You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
birth control should be required to get into college
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
