Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
