As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
