yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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