There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
