I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize