he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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