the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
