So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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