We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
The adults are the big ones right?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
