Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
