And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
