I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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