she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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