i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
