Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
