I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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