He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
