Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
