Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
