Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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