i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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