I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
