Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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