There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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