That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I checked into jail on foursquare
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
