I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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