pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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