we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
