shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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