dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Can I color on your dick again?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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