They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
