I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
