i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
