she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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