If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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