It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
