I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Dick very happy bro
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
