The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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