After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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