My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
