She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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