Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
