Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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