i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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