You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
