i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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