You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
