I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
