Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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