Pants 0. Shit 1.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
