I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
